Well Ho Ho Ho!
Merry Christmas! It is now Christmas morning and Santa has come and gone. I
know this because he left a trail of sand in my room and I saw the elegant
remnants of reindeer prints on the beach in front of my room. At least that’s
what I think it was, but my head may be slightly fuzzy from last night. All I
can truly attest to is that I started my Christmas morning off naked on a
beach. It doesn’t get any better than that!
Yeah you can say
my welcome back to the island has been even better than expected. I barely made
it out of Singapore due to horrible weather. As we were taking off the clouds
rumbled in angry shouts of thunder while the skies flashed brilliant displays
of lightening. That set the tone of my bumpy ride home. The majority of my
flight was turbulent to say the least. Lucky for me, I had my seat belt torqued
down to keep me arse in the seat as I felt like popcorn in a kettle.
As we started our
descent into to Diego Garcia I saw the bright illustrious lights of the USNS
fleet moored in our lagoon and I knew I was almost home. Once the plane touched
down, I stepped on the tarmac and just listened. It wasn’t long before I heard
the glorious sound of crashing waves and smelled the sweet salt in the air. Ah
yes, I was home! I quickly cleared customs, retrieved my luggage and headed out
the terminal, only to be tackled by a hot chic! So I walked to the truck,
backpack on my back, pulling my luggage behind me with one hand and carrying my
bestie in my other hand as she hung around my neck like a cuddly koala bear in
a tree. Soon after that I found my bed and much needed sleep.
My first day back
was Christmas eve, where I was met with everything from high fives to hugs,
lots and lots of hugs! To say I was missed is an understatement. It was nice to
be be back! It wasn’t long before we were opening the Yacht Club for a private
Christmas party for the Sea Bee’s. It was a grand time filled with fun,
delicious food and games. I even saw a snow man and lots of reindeer on the beach!
Santa also stopped by for a few beers; said something about having a long night…
As the party winded down we closed up the club and headed to the Seaman’s
center where things got interesting. In my absence I was signed up for a
cornhole tournament, but it wasn’t pretty. I’m not sure if it was the jet lag
or maybe slightly too much booze, but my game was off.
Nonetheless, we
quickly crushed through the competition and rid ourselves of the amateurs. But
as the drinks kept flowing, my game waivered and we finally lost a round and
found ourselves playing in the finals for second place against a nice young
couple. At some point someone kept insisting I get naked. I wont name any
names, but his initials are Chris… So the shirt came off, and then they
insisted the belt was next. The poor girl I was playing against took a step
back and said “Ohhhhhh” For some reason her partner, who was also her boyfriend,
seemed completely butt hurt over this. So while my distraction of nakedness
worked against my opponent, it royally pissed her boyfriend off who came back
with a fierce focus and determination, and so yeah, well we lost. At that point the tournament official became
concerned and made sure nothing else ended up in my pile of discarded clothes.
From there we went
to another private Christmas party. It was filled with happy faces, delicious
food, lots and lots of food and copious amounts of free drinks were flowing. The
band was playing, people were laughing and games were abundant. At some point
we ended up playing a game where we had to undress our selves taking off a
buttoned shirt and passing it on to our team mates while wearing welding gloves.
I think we won, but honestly things were getting really fuzzy at this point.
Now we are starting to see a trend of getting nekkid, but the best is yet to
come. They also had a push up contest, but they wouldn’t let me compete. So I
drank…
Once we finished up
at that party we ended up at the Brit club where we closed out the night. There
I was met with many more hugs and reunited with lots of friends whom I was
happy to see. Oh, and in case you are wondering about all these parties and
free food and drinks, this is just a typical night in Diego. Now You know why I
missed this place! As they say, drinking is the national sport of Diego Garcia.
I can’t really
share too many details about the Brit club, because, well, I just don’t
remember them. What I do know is that at some point after I went to bed I woke
up in the middle of the night. For some unknown reason I went outside to empty
my extremely overfilled bladder. Now mind you, I do have running water and my
very own bathroom complete with a toilet. So as to why I went outside, I will
leave that question to the Gods, because I have no clue. The problem came when
I tried to go back inside to climb back into my comfy bed and realized I was
only wearing my underwear, which by the way has NO pockets, which meant I had
NO key!!! Hmmmmm what to do?????
Lucky for me, the
truck was at least unlocked. So I climbed my mostly nekkid arse into the truck,
leaned the seat back and went to sleep. At around 0730 my eyes were violated by
this bright, unfiltered, annoying light called the sun. At which point I awoke,
and quickly remembered I was naked and still locked out of my room. Oh Island
life!!!!
So with my
forty-two-pound head, still in a haze, I started to take inventory of what I
had in the truck to assist me with my nekkid dilemma. Now mind you, we live at
the beach, so we ALWAYS keep a towel in the truck. So I think I can just wrap
it around my waist and walk to billeting to get a key, looking like I just left
the beach. But NOOOOOOOOO, someone took the towel out. FML! I found a hard hat,
pair of dress shoes (wrong size), a uniform shirt (not my size) and our bag of
rope rescue gear. I quickly concluded that a class III harness would look
highly inappropriate in just my undies, so that was no help.
The only thing I
did find that was of use was my rain coat. So off I went, barefoot and in my
drawers wearing a high viz, bright ass yellow raincoat that just screamed look
at me! I just pretended I was a model and it was Under Armour under garment
day. Unfortunately, instead of walking down a runway, I was walking across the
base, right through the middle of downtown. The poor girls that work in
billeting were at least kind enough not to make any remarks, but the look on
their faces was priceless. And that’s how I spent my Christmas morning, walking
half ass naked in paradise. Lucky for me it was still early, and most of the
island was still sleeping off too much holiday cheer from the night before.
So while most of
you were at home, huddled around the Christmas tree opening presents, I was
streaking across the island attempting to get back in my room. This is definitely
my most memorable Christmas ever. With this I wish you a very merry Christmas
and Happy New Year.
