Whirlwind Tour

    Greetings fans! Yep all 2.5 of you. As a memory popped up on Facebook I was reminded that it had been a minute since I last wrote. Almost exactly two years according to my blog, and there’s good reason for it. Unfortunately, it’s not because Scarlett Johansson seduced me and swept me away to a private villa, It’s a thing called life. Well let me just tell you life can be a swift donkey kick in the gonads sometimes. But like most men do, after dropping to my knees, crying like a ten-year-old girl and feeling extremely nauseous, I got back up again.

    As some of you may recall, when I last wrote we had just moved to Chattanooga to be closer to family. That’s when the foul smelling fecal mater began to hit the big ass fan, slinging crap everywhere. Long story short 2015 was the worst damn year of my life. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right? Well then I should be able to beat Hercules and Zeus in a WWE cage match.  First of all, that wonderful new job at the fire department for that German car manufacturer turned out to be the worst damn job I have ever had in my entire life. From the swing shift hours and my body never knowing what time it was, to the mind numbingly boring job itself that’s only challenge was dealing with complete and utter idiots without throat punching them. Add to that the fact that we had five people die in the family, including my mom, grandmother, and father-in-law, and it was really shaping up to be the year from hell. I mean the damn Grimm Reaper was hanging out at my family reunions. Then as the holidays neared, my wife had an epiphany that she no longer wanted to be married anymore. Yep, didn’t see that coming either. But its ok, everything turned out for the better. And I do mean everything!!!

    While living in the bible belt has its challenges, like say for instance if one wanted to get snot slinging, commode hugging, nekkid drunk on a Sunday it can be difficult, but it does have its perks. The great state of Tennessee at least has enough common sense to realize that if two people decide they don’t want to be married any longer, it does not take a flippin year of separation to figure out that’s what you still want. So lucky for me in 2 months’ time the divorce was final and I was on my way back to a global experience.

    I decided that if I wasn’t going to be playing the life of Ward Cleaver any more then I was gonna go back to contracting around the globe. Yep I had been bored out of my ever loving mind ever since I left Iraq back in 2009. I had not had a job that challenged me or helped me grow in anyway, and I was tired of small town America and its entitled, whiney ass culture. It was time to start living life to the fullest again, embracing it one adventure at a time.

    Before my divorce was even final I already had a job. Networking is where it’s at people. It’s all about who you know. I took a job as the Fire Chief of Training on a little slice of paradise in the middle of the Indian Ocean, called Diego Garcia. It’s a small Navy Base in the middle of nowhere. And when I say nowhere, I mean no damn where. We are about 2800 miles from the nearest land mass and it is wonderful. I can’t elaborate on what the purpose of the base is, because it’s need to know only and YOU don’t need to know. Besides if I told you then I’d have to kill you, and well…, that would just be messy and I don’t want to have to pull a Dexter and start dumping bodies into the ocean in garbage bags. 

    Let me just say that I thought Island life would be amazing. Well I was wrong, very wrong. Amazing does not even begin to describe it. It is far better than I ever imagined. I’ll admit the year round average temperature of about 88 degrees does have something to do with that. Do I miss winter? Hell no! I got enough winter in the five years I lived in Washington State to last me a life time.

   The Island has been great for me. At first it provided me a time to heal and find myself again. I had not been on my own in so long, I wasn’t sure what that looked like, but I figured it out. I found Ben again, and I actually like me. Yep, I’m Adorable!  Since I’ve been on the island it has literally been one adventure after the other. I have been introduced to many new things and am loving most of them. From paddle boarding to windsurfing and sailing, water recreation is where its at. Mix in jungle treks and random camping trips sleeping in a hammock under palm trees and life is grand. Not to mention the fishing is off the hook. (Pun Intended) Hands down the best fishing I have ever done. The only bad part is, whenever, IF ever, I leave this slice of coral, the fishing will all be down hill from here. I am certain it cannot get any better. I just wish I could get my dad out here to enjoy it too!

    To make island life even better, I have a fabulous job. One of the best ones I have ever had. I work with a great team of men and women from America, the Philippines, and England that all come together to form one great big family. They all work hard, supporting and encouraging one another. It is inspiring and I am blessed to be a part of it. Plus, the work itself is pretty dag burn cool. I get to teach, which I love to do, and most of the time it’s the cool stuff where we get to play, like high angle rope rescue or extrication.  I’ve also started preaching part time, about once a month or so. I was nervous at first as it all started out of the blue. But I figured I couldn’t say no to God, or at least I probably shouldn’t. I quickly realized it’s really just like teaching, just a different subject matter. I’ve found that I truly enjoy it and am honored to serve. I even got ordained….Yep Scary thought!

    As I sit here banging this out on the MacBook, I am actually kicked back on the beach in the Bahamas with the wind blowing my hair. Well ok, maybe not that last part. I am on vacation. Since my entire life is in paradise and pretty much a vacation, why do I need a vacation from vacation you may ask. Well I really don’t. It was more like I needed to see my family, not a break from paradise.

    We had a couple big life events happening in my family and I needed to be home for them. First my sister was marrying some knucklehead (love you Jeff) in early November, and I was fortunate enough to have the extreme honor of officiating the ceremony. On my way home I did stop and explore Singapore for 5 days and seek adventure in Indonesia for a couple days. Then it was off to North Carolina for the wedding.  My eldest daughter Ashley is also graduating from ECU next week. In between those two big deals I flew to Dallas for a week of training. That enabled my wonderful company to buy my plane ticket home. I also learned while there that I will never go back! Wayyyyyy too many people! Holy Sheep Shit Batman! Tons of people. Once class was finished I flew back home to spend Thanksgiving with the family and enjoy my kiddos. First time I’ve been home for the holidays in 12 years and it was fabulous. Next up was a flight to Chattanooga to spend a week with Hailey. We had a freaking blast camping out in the hotel and finding numerous ways to have an adventure. After a week with my favorite blondie, I jumped on a plane to the Bahamas. Basically I needed to get out of the country for a little while because I had worn out my welcome as far as Uncle Sam is concerned and I really didn’t want to pay taxes. Today I am flying back to NC for another week in NC enjoying my family and kids leading up to Ash’s graduation.

    So yes it has been a head spinning, whirlwind tour. I have literally been in a plane every dag damn weekend. In nine short days I will be on another plane, this time going back home to my slice of heaven. Although it will be a grueling 30+ hours of flying, that may entail lots of booze (just to help me sleep), it will be worth it. I am ready to go back, to get back to work, to get back to my normal routine, to get back to my other family. You see what most people don’t understand, once you leave America, the longer you stay out of it, the more you don’t like it. The majority of our society has become too spoiled, too entitled and too ungrateful and it infuriates me. But it’s more than that, even though I am home with my family, I am just a visitor. Everyone has work and school and life still going on and I don’t fit into that world. Don’t get me wrong, they all make me feel at home and welcomed, but living out of a bag doesn’t feel like home. I love my family dearly and have thoroughly enjoyed every minute with them, but I am ready to get back to normal, to get back home. The fact that it is freezing cold in North Carolina right now just makes me miss my tropics even more. I am way over due to be half nekkid on a beach!

    So as my whirlwind tour is winding down I will bid you farewell. I do enjoy writing and plan on doing this blog thing more often. Sorry this one was so long but I had two years to catch you up on. Now I’m gonna go jump on another plane and go freeze my arse off. Peace out Homies!